14 May 2014

Just Another Afternoon

I knew it since then, if not before, that this day might come. But the pain this could bring, the way things could turn out, the time it would occur, and the place it would take place, was something I never saw coming; never this painful, not here, not now. Right here in this awkwardly happy scenery I deemed too inappropriate to break things up, in front of me is someone I could possibly bring to a looming destruction, while resisting myself not to dig on things hidden on this undisclosed, vacuum-sealed, bullet-proof chamber of this tiny powerful organ on my chest. For nearly an hour, sinister silence ruled that field that separates us, that short distance which seemed too far. I was too clueless to utter anything, no, not, never at this time. I had a terrible feeling about this, months, or years ago, perhaps. I have been dancing with fear every time this thought visits me. It gives me creeps. Real creeps. All the time. And it’s happening. This thing I feared the most. Right now.

The past hour had been the longest one I had in my entire lifetime. I looked at those pretty pair of eyes of yours as you calmly sit against me on the other side of the table, imagining of an unimaginable distance, always trying to avoid that densely uneasy look in my unattractive eyes. For a couple of deadly sighs, ocean-deep breaths, and blank gasps, I finally broke that deafening silence by a more deafening and heavy it’s over in a tone I never sounded-like before, in a manner I never expected I would do before, in a circumstance I never imagined ever before. I’ve waited for a response, waited hopefully for a at least a less unfavorable one. But there was none.

Until, an unfamiliar stream of watery thing generously flooded those cheeks of yours. That before the same thing flow from my own eyes; I took the courage to hold those hands of yours you managed to hide under the table the whole time. For the last time, you gave me that it’s-okay-I-understand look before turning your back and walking away towards the wild. Then as you crossed the street away from that place in the midst of that series of jeepneys and cars approaching from both sides of the road, storm of thoughts rushed in, planting bunches of cross to my dying heart. 

And then you’re gone.

People come and go. And it’s painful to accept because when they come, we hold on to an assurance that they would stay. We always miss the part that eventually, under certain circumstances, they will leave. And we refuse to think about it until they do, that when it’s time for them to leave, it’s just hard, so hard, to let them go.

#Fiction #OrNot
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