I knew
it since then, if not before, that this day might come. But the pain this could
bring, the way things could turn out, the time it would occur, and the place it
would take place, was something I never saw coming; never this painful, not
here, not now. Right here in this awkwardly happy scenery, I deemed too
inappropriate to break things up, in front of me is someone I could possibly bring
to looming destruction while resisting myself not to dig on things hidden on
this undisclosed, vacuum-sealed, bullet-proof chamber of this tiny powerful
organ on my chest. For
nearly an hour, sinister silence ruled that field that separates us, that short
distance which seemed too far. I was too clueless to utter anything, no, not,
never at this time. I had a terrible feeling about this, months, or years ago,
perhaps. I have been dancing with fear every time this thought visits me. It
gives me creeps. Real creeps. All the time. And it’s happening. This thing I
feared the most. Right now.
The
past hour had been the longest one I had in my entire lifetime. I looked at
those pretty pair of eyes of yours as you calmly sit against me on the other
side of the table, imagining of an unimaginable distance, always trying to
avoid that densely uneasy look in my unattractive eyes. For a couple of deadly
sighs, ocean-deep breaths, and blank gasps, I finally broke that deafening
silence by a more deafening and heavy it’s
over in a tone I never sounded-like before, in a manner I never expected I would
do before, in a circumstance I never imagined ever before. I’ve waited for a
response, waited hopefully for at least a less unfavorable one. But there was
none.
Until an unfamiliar stream of watery thing generously flooded those cheeks of yours. That
before the same thing flows from my own eyes; I took the courage to hold those
hands of yours you managed to hide under the table the whole time. For the last
time, you gave me that it’s-okay-I-understand look before turning your back and
walking away towards the wild. Then as you crossed the street away from that
place in the midst of that series of jeepneys and cars approaching from both
sides of the road, a storm of thoughts rushed in, planting bunches of cross to my
dying heart.
And then you’re gone.
And then you’re gone.
People
come and go. And it’s painful to accept because when they come, we hold on to
an assurance that they would stay. We always miss the part that eventually,
under certain circumstances, they will leave. And we refuse to think about it
until they do, that when it’s time for them to leave, it’s just hard to let them go.
#Fiction #OrNot
