Here’s an Antwerp update/rant (whatever this is), highlighted by this low quality photo taken in Wilrijk while walking one day on my way to the university)
Going to the university. On my first walks navigating around this new academic battle, I've been mostly busy sitting and reading in the lab. And then going home. And having some wine. Or beer. Then cook something. And sleep for 8 hours. Not that I complain as this counts as one of the best things happening in my life right now, but I occasionally feel like I am some an indolent person with laptop at one point, then fully immersed in the kitchen on another. Though, I like it a lot spending time in the kitchen, being my most consistent source of warmth, as the heater in my room had been acting up. And I seemingly can't rely on the sun as it's basically non-existent during these times.
~
The lack of sunshine makes things feel a lot worse if I may state the obvious. If it’s not raining, it’s fogging. It does shine, though, once in a while. Fuckn one day of sunshine at a time lest we get too used to such frivolity. It’s generally dark on this side of the world and I am beginning to accept this darkness concept with nights being longer and the days way shorter. That which brings me to another point: the abrupt change in weather. The huge temperature drop is taking its toll on me. For the first time in a long time, I have been suffering from severe colds, which is quite uncharacteristic given my supposed excellent immune system. It hugely bothers me that it's taking me a lot of time to recover.
~
A lot of time, I have, indeed. But I could not help but feel the pressure: to prove that I belong here, make a good case for myself that I am fit for
this job. Even after working hours, it feels like I'm always working. At home, I can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing enough, second
guessing myself. Being in a foreign land amplifies this internal
struggle even more. Everything feels tougher turning every single day a
seemingly futile and monotonous expedition. The only highlights are lunch
breaks when there finally is the opportunity to grab some warm Belgian food though a far cry from French
delights tbh, very much like a kindergarten kid looking forward for recess. This current state I am at is good but tough, so I hope for things to soon get better in
the coming months. If anything, one bright spot is that everyone speaks English here. And people are generally nice.
~
People being nice and everyone speaking English. Relying on Google Translate hasn’t been a heavy necessity
for me so far, unlike in France. Not that I understand any Dutch, but simply because people are kind
enough to speak English most of the time. Meanwhile, GoogleMaps is a different beast, as it has become a second nature for me to check it every time I move around. Thanks to GMaps I've managed
to survive the last two years going around, and continues to need so to survive in this new country I am at. I have been heavily reliant on it until my phone faced a
major setback recently, now refusing to connect to the internet with the GPS going haywire. Bad news because I'm not the best at directions and Google Maps has
been my lifeline. For the record, I am fully aware that I sound like a privileged kid right now.
~
Speaking
of privileges, I acknowledge the fact that am living another dream and I am beyond-words-thankful for that. Every day I acknowledge that destiny has favoured me very well. Truly, this journey is tough, captivating, perplexing, and even a
bit crazy-inducing. But the truth of the matter is it's incredible. It's a
life-changing experience in the most positive way. Despite the challenges and
the occasional absurd complaints, even when the negative aspects seem to
outweigh the positive, it's still way better than being back home where an
endless circus constantly unfolds on a daily basis ( personally and politically at that). So this isn't exactly a rant, I guess.
